


in which anne is a kindergarten teacher for a goddamn alien

by Ace of Jokers (AceOfJokers)



Category: Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Multi, tbh i don't know how to tag any of this lol, your buddy's just kinda into you eddie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-03 01:52:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16316882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceOfJokers/pseuds/Ace%20of%20Jokers
Summary: She didn’t want to ask. She didn’t want to ask, but…“Do you…likeEddie?” Anne asked anyway, because she couldn’tnotask.[Quick little thing, Anne and Venom have some chats while on the way to rescue their(?) mutual(?) friend(???).]





	in which anne is a kindergarten teacher for a goddamn alien

**Author's Note:**

> Not my normal fandom, but the idea of "Venom demanding that Anne help him figure out how to get Eddie back" wouldn't leave my head, and then proceeded to spiral in about seven different directions, so here we are.
> 
> (Thank you, Venom movie, for 100% catering to my "Venom gets scolded like a five year old and also loves Eddie very much but is bad at it" needs.)
> 
> Enjoy.

Anne was not having a great day.

She’d had not-great days before, of course. A lot of them were thanks to Eddie. (That was an uncharitable thought, and ignored all the good days, but it was true nevertheless.) Today probably counted under that category, too, considering she was currently hiding in a hospital restroom stall, potentially infected with something that was definitely Eddie’s fault.

Admittedly, she shouldn’t have followed that dog. Something had been off about it, and why the hell had there been a dog in the hall anyway? It was a hospital! (Okay, she knew the reason; Dan complained about that patient and his wife sometimes. But still, it shouldn’t have been out in the hall, alone.) She had followed it anyway, even when it had clearly been leading away from people, and then – and then –

Anne shuddered, feeling – it was weird. There should have been a full feeling, or something under her skin, any evidence at all that roughly fifteen pounds of goopy mass had just – invaded. But there was nothing except a strange heat, and a sense that she wasn’t alone. “Did it really – oh, god, you’re in here, aren’t you?!” She hissed, curling in on herself a little further.

**Yes. I am Venom. And you are Anne.**

Oh god oh god there it was. It was loud, so loud; a voice in her ears vaguely reminiscent of her own, but rough and gravelly.  _ So weird. _

“So, what, Eddie kicked you out, so now you’re gonna kill me?!” It was hard, not to let her voice raise into a shout. Weirdly enough, though, in spite of the overall lack of invasion-evidence – there  _ was _ a strangely tight feeling to her throat, an unusual raspiness to her voice, which did help somewhat with not shouting. Combined with the heat, it almost felt like she was about to cry. She was too angry to cry, though.

She could also feel a wave of indignation coming from  _ it _ a second before it responded, just to add to the pile of weirdnesses.

**You will not be harmed, Anne,** it said, echoing in her head with far too much sulkiness to not read as a pout rather than a reprimand. Then it added, after a slight pause:  **Not intentionally. I’ve gotten good at this. Any damage will be fixed.**

Oh, well, good, great. It was good at this. Clearly, everything would be fine.

**Stop that! I’m fixing everything right now! You do not even have a fever like Eddie did!**

Well, sure, she didn’t, but more importantly… “Can you read my thoughts?” She whispered, horrified – then back to angry again, as she added in a hiss: “If you can do that, why were you letting Eddie talk to himself like a crazy person?!”

**I didn’t! Can’t! Grahhgh – You’re not as good a match, so I can only sort of read… emotions. I get more off of Eddie. But it’s mixed up in a million things he’s just… sort of thinking about. Kind of. Stop making me explain things!**

Its voice was roaring now, snarling and growling and somehow hurting her ears even though she knew it wasn’t  _ real _ sound – what kind of bullshit even was all this? “No,  _ you _ stop yelling at me! Oh my god, are you always this loud? No wonder Eddie kept telling you to shut up!” She snapped at it, because at least being mad was better than actually thinking about any of this. If she could just keep finding things to be annoyed about, she’d be safe. Which, well, at least this thing seemed to be quite the never-ending font of annoyances…

There was a thoughtful pause, before she found herself nodding. Without intending to. At all.  _ Oh god. _

**I can see why Eddie likes you. You are a** **_strong_ ** **leader. But we must go now.**

“Don’t just use  _ my _ body to emote – wait, go where?!” Great, now she couldn’t even figure out which thing to be mad about first. She was probably going to explode with rage before it even managed to atrophy her organs or whatever.

**To get Eddie back!**

“He doesn’t  _ want _ you back, you parasite!” Her body was already standing, opening the bathroom stall with slightly-jerky motions – but she protested anyway, for all the good it did, since at least she still had use of her mouth. Maybe the alien couldn’t control that part of her, somehow.

Her fist slammed into the nearby wall, as it paused her by the door out of the restroom, and she heard a squeak from one of the other stalls. Oops. Sorry, normal person. Today was not a day for normal things.  _ Aliens fucking existed and were, in fact, just crazy people. _

**I am** **_not_ ** **a parasite!!** it screeched at her, full force, and she managed a shudder in spite of its control.  **And Eddie is in** **_danger!!_ **

“Wait, he’s what?!” She whispered, wide-eyed, as her body was piloted down the hall and towards the elevators. “What do you mean?! You’re no longer killing him, so –”

**I was not ‘killing him’ in the first place! I was on top of it! I was fixing the heart next! We just needed more food!**

Oh god, it was so loud. Why did it have to be so loud. She couldn’t even hear the elevator music, or whatever the nurses next to her were chatting about.

**Anyway! Not the point! Drake’s men have taken him, that is the point!**

“Wait,  _ Drake?!” _ Anne finally failed in her struggle to not yell back at this thing, and the only saving grace was that she currently had enough control over her body to turn away and quickly put a hand over her ear. There, flawless cover, just pretend she had an earpiece and was on the phone, yeah… (If this thing  _ did _ make it back into Eddie, she’d have to suggest that strategy to him. Maybe. Assuming they didn’t just  _ kill _ the damn thing.)

(She had to admit, though… having it talking to you made it hard not to think of it as a ‘person’ rather than a ‘thing’. She reminded herself, sternly, that either way it had been killing her ex. And was possibly killing her. Right now.)

**Yes. Drake found my kind, in his rocket, and foolishly brought some of us back here. Now, he is trying to use us, throwing us into** **_your_ ** **kind – but** **_he_ ** **is the one who will be used, if he sends out another rocket to retrieve the rest!**

… Holy  _ shit _ her life was officially some kind of  _ goddamn comic book plot. _ It did line up with what Eddie had been rambling about, though, and with all the missing or deceased ‘medical test patients’, and it wasn’t like she could deny the existence of aliens at this point…

“What does Drake want with Eddie, though? Eddie doesn’t have you anymore!” Anne asked – and realized the problem with that, before the alien even said it.

**Drake does not know that! And Eddie still knows too much!** It said anyway.  **We** **_cannot_ ** **let them kill him! We must save him!**

Well, as much as she hated to admit it, the thing had good points. And they were already down at the parking garage, and it wasn’t like she could stop it from taking her wherever it wanted… “Okay. Yeah. I can at least agree that much. You know where we’re going, right?” She asked, with a defeated sigh.

**Yes!**

“And you won’t get me killed, right?”

**Eddie would be furious! No harm can come to you!**

“O-kay… Good enough. My car’s down two rows. Let’s go.”

**Then we have a deal, Annie! Can I call you Annie? Eddie likes to!**

“Don’t push it.”

 

 

* * *

 

  
  


**There is… a problem, Anne.**

“What is it? We already – stopped for food, don’t – tell me you’re still killing me!”

**Oh, stop whining, not that! That ‘chocolate’ was excellent, actually. I will have to remember that.**

Anne gasped for breath, slightly, as she raced between trees and over branches and dead brush. Or, at least, one of them was gasping for breath – with an alien controlling her every movement, (save for speech,) it was hard not to feel paranoid about her own supposedly-unconscious processes.

Eddie was apparently somewhere in here, these woods near the Life Foundation laboratories. Anne had decided not to ask how the alien knew that. She was pretty sure the answer would be either creepy, disheartening, incomprehensible, or possibly even all three. Anyway, they’d had only a few minutes of blessed silence before that latest comment; she was starting to see why Eddie had said ‘always’ when she’d questioned whether the alien was speaking to him. It truly was a chatterbox.

“Whatever. Problem? What is it?” She reminded it, between breaths.

**Right, right. The problem is how to get Eddie to bond with me again.**

… This was some weird alien shit and she definitely was not qualified to help. “Bond with – do you mean… Get  _ in _ him?” Oh god this was so awkward. Aliens were awkward and horrible. Today was horrible.

**It is a bond! It’s mutually, mutually – nngrgh, I told you to stop making me explain things!**

“Sorry?” She tried, for lack of better options. How the hell was she supposed to understand, though, if it didn’t explain… Well, she could at least assume she’d been right, anyway. “Yeah, I don’t think he’s gonna be happy about you trying that again. You nearly killed him.”

**I was fixing it!!** it roared, and she winced.  **And besides, without me to protect him…**

They paused running for a second, and Anne watched, horrified, as the black goop rose out of her arm, sharpened, hardened to a point – and sliced a ragged chunk out of a nearby tree.

**… Drake’s men will kill him. And Drake will bring an invasion down on your –** **_our_ ** **heads. I do not want either of these things.**

They started running again, while she tried to process all of… that. “So, it’s ‘us’ when it’s an invasion, huh?” She muttered, still working it out. “You’re betraying your own species?”

**Something** **…** **like that. It is complicated.**

“That’s a yes-or-no question, ‘it’s complicated’ is not –!” She began to yell, and then gave up. This wasn’t worth it. “Fine, whatever. You’re right, though. Eddie’s still really mad –  _ for good reason, _ mind you – so he’s not going to just let you back in. Not that I see how he could stop you…”

They ran in silence for a while again, relatively, the only sounds being the crackling of brush and the heavy rhythm of her breathing and heart in her ears.

Then…

**Would kissing him work?**

Anne was too stunned to respond for a second. This thing – it didn’t, right? It couldn’t.  _ It couldn’t possibly. _

**The idea has… appeal. Your pulse has also quickened, so I take it you agree. But would it work? You! Answer me!**

Oh god it did.  _ He _ did. Oh god, this was horrible and awkward.

(If it could have a crush, then ‘it’ felt like the wrong word to use now; ‘they’ was perhaps more suitable, but she felt like keeping this thing’s opinions and actions distinct from Eddie’s was something that would be potentially important in the future. Too important for possibly-confusing possible-pluralities.)

She didn’t want to ask. She didn’t want to ask, but… “Do you…  _ like _ Eddie?” Anne asked anyway, because she couldn’t  _ not _ ask.

Her dread immediately ran headlong into a spike of joy, coming from the alien, and died validated as his voice immediately roared into her ears.

**Yes! There is much to like! He’s a good match and easy to be in! He is strong! He is like me! But he is clever, and witty, and knows words!**

Holy shit, wow, yeah, this thing had it bad. She was starting to regret ever asking this question.

**You should like him too! He likes you a lot! He feels sad, Annie.**

She definitely, definitely regretted ever asking this question.

“I am absolutely not discussing this with a weird alien that just  _ hijacked me,” _ she replied after a deep breath (lots of deep breaths going on right now; they were going fast). “And that’s still  _ Anne _ to you.”

The alien didn’t like that; she could tell even before he responded, his voice sulky again.

**I am not a ‘weird alien’.** **_You_ ** **are a weird alien.** **_I_ ** **am Venom.**

Oh, right. It –  _ he _ had a name. That made sense, people had names. But since she hadn’t been thinking of it/him as a person, she hadn’t paid any attention the first time he’d said it. Plus she’d been too mad to care. She was less mad, now, too busy being confused and worried and weirded out instead.

“Okay, truce,” she replied, wincing as her body just barely dodged around a low-hanging tree branch. Venom  _ was _ keeping her unharmed, as promised, but it was a very close thing sometimes… “We’re both weird aliens.”

**Acceptable. Now, tell me whether kissing would work!**

Oh goddammit she’d been hoping he’d forget about that. Of course he wouldn’t. Eddie was apparently irresistible to goddamn aliens. Or at least this alien. She didn’t even want to know what he’d think about that. “What do you even hope to get out of it?”

**To distract him long enough to bond with him again!** … was a very predictable answer, and she rolled her eyes at it – but then, surprisingly, Venom’s voice went actually quiet for once, soft and almost – sad. ‘ _ And… to make him stop being mad at me.’ _

“… Seriously?” Anne couldn’t help it, there was no other possible response to that. Holy  _ shit _ this guy had it  _ bad. _ And was bad at it, too. Forget comic books, her life was now apparently a romantic comedy. And she was going to play wingman for a goddamn alien (because he was in control of her body and, honestly, she was more than a little terrified of that).

**He shouldn’t have been mad! I was not killing him!**

Oh good and now he was back to being loud. Okay, okay, time for damage control. “No, I meant – dammit, can we – stop a second? My lungs – feel about to – explode…” After a rest. Oh god, she wasn’t some kind of athlete, what the hell did Venom think she could do, here…

**I was fixing that next.** He replied, sulking again.

“See, there’s your  _ problem,” _ she snapped at him as soon as she’d caught enough breath, doubled over with her hands on her knees. “Just because you  _ fix _ something doesn’t mean you didn’t break it! Or that people won’t be mad at you for it!”

**… Like how you’re still mad at Eddie?**

Venom’s voice was careful now, circumspect almost, and she laughed. “God, I’m playing kindergarten teacher to an alien, what is my life… Okay, yeah, it’s a little different, Eddie didn’t try to  _ kill _ me, but – similar, sure.”

**I was** **_not_ ** **trying to** **_kill_ ** **Eddie!**

Oops, oh god, there went the yelling again. Why did aliens have to be so loud?! “Sorry, fine, sorry, you were just… unintentionally killing him, whatever! He’s still gonna be mad about that!” She pointed out, as patiently as she could – which wasn’t very, right now – and then she sighed, exhausted already. This goddamn day was all just… too much. “Maybe it’s just a ‘human’ thing, but… We don’t want to die, Venom.”

**It’s not just you. Neither do I,** came the response, solemn and somehow softer than its volume conveyed.

Oh. Hmm. Considering Venom’s behavior up to this point… A pattern did emerge. “You can’t survive here without a host, can you?” She asked, quietly, a feeling of mixed dread sinking into her stomach as she realized what they’d just nearly done to him back in the hospital. Sure, he’d been killing Eddie – but he hadn’t meant to – but they hadn’t known that…

**No.**

“You could just find another host though. You’re  _ good at it  _ now, right?” Anne pointed out, bitterly and with more than a little suspicion. The last thing she wanted right now was to be fooled by some damn organ-eating alien.

**They wouldn’t be** **_Eddie._ **

Oh, right. Well, if he was faking that, he was damn good at it. Plus – somehow, she felt like Venom couldn’t actually lie to her, not when they were – like this. Lies by omission, maybe, but not outright; she definitely had the feeling that outright lies would stick out like alarm sirens. So… she’d have to believe in him, and in his weird,  _ so goddamn weird, _ crush on Eddie. For now, anyway.

“Okay. I think I’ve caught my breath,” she said, and nodded. (Weirdly – both because she’d intended to, and  _ he’d _ intended to.)

**Good. They will probably be arriving at the execution point soon. We must hurry.**

Never mind. Her life was still a comic book, after all. “Execution – why the  _ fuck _ does Drake have an  _ ‘execution point’?!” _ She screamed, as they set off running again.

**Who cares? Now, will kissing work, or not?!**

“Oh, god… Well, it’ll distract him. Always worked for me, anyway…”

**Yes. It always did.**

“You are creepy as hell, you know that?”

**Thank you.**

_ “It wasn’t a compliment!!” _


End file.
